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5 Things Comparing Yourself to Others can Destroy in your life

Comparison is the act of violence against oneself”-Iyanla Vanzant

The world right now has become very visual thanks to technology and all the social media platforms. This has provided opportunities for growth and progress but not without problems. Exaggerated social comparison is one of them. Social comparison is nothing new but it has become rampant in our present day. Too often we find ourselves falling into this trap of comparison by feeling inferior to others by our own self-judgment.

  1. Why does that person have that and I don’t?

  2. Everyone else but me is falling In love, getting married and having kids.

  3. Their lives look so perfect and mine’s suck

  4. She is prettier and better than I am

  5. They are good at everything and I am not.

Ring any bells?


Picture of a boy crying

Photo by Kat J on Unsplash



Social comparison

Social comparison theory was first proposed in 1954 by psychologist Leon Festinger.

He suggested that individuals determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up against others they perceive as somehow faring better or worse. As a result, humans are constantly evaluating themselves and others across a variety of domains, such as attractiveness, wealth, intelligence, and success.

Social comparison is not all bad. This is because sometimes it could be used to foster self-improvement, self-motivation and a positive self-image. My focus is not on the positives but the negatives of social comparison. There are times when I have allowed social comparison to get the best of me. We have all had our moments. These are some of the things I have found negative social comparison could destroy in our lives if not confronted.

1. Happiness

Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself with others” -Anonymous

It is said that habitual negative social comparison can lead to stress, anxiety, depression. It’s amazing how you could start your day happy and excited and end it sad and unmotivated just because you compare your life with someone else’s. Your happiness should always be protected because it helps with your productivity and creativity.

2. Creativity

Stay in your lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy”-Berne Brown

Creativity is simply the ability to bring into existence. To form a mental image of something and to do something in a new way. To be creative, you have to accept yourself, be comfortable in your own skin and confident in who you are as an individual.

Let’s say you started a new project and you were so excited about it and your mind is filled with endless possibilities of how it would look when it’s completed. But then it happens. You read a blog or a book or you see a friend’s post on Facebook enthusiastically talking about their project. You immediately begin to see your project with new eyes. All the ideas you previously had now seemed like bad ideas. And you think to yourself, “Why am I wasting my time?” … Then all that creative energy stops. I am learning each day how to let my creativity flow and use what I see for my own advantage and growth.

It is important never to reason or compare but let your business be to create”-William Blake

3. Relationships

Comparing your relationship is Toxic.

The truth is no one enjoys being compared to someone else. It makes them feel less of themselves. It’s restricting and puts on you unnecessary pressure to perform and not a lot of people can cope well under pressure. They eventually find other ways to cope — and some of these ways are not the best. Every relationship is different and has its own way of working, and that’s okay.

Don’t judge your relationship based on what others choose to show. Nobody shows what really goes on behind the scene. They prefer to paint a picture of a perfect relationship and we all know there is no perfect relationship. The grass always appears greener on the other side — until you get there and see it’s artificial grass. Instead of comparing your relationships, find out what works for you, nurture it and watch it grow.

4. Uniqueness

Dear you, don’t compare yourself to anyone. Your Unique Self is empowered, powerful, and unstoppable! Your uniqueness is what makes you incomparable! Don’t underestimate the beauty of just being you.” Stephanie Lahart

To be unique is to be extraordinary, being without a like or equal. You were created with a specific purpose and there is no one else like you in the world. Think about that for a second — out of the 7.7 billion people in the world, there is just one of you. Everyone has a fingerprint unique to them. Even identical twins.

Yes, there may be different people in your field of expertise but no one else can do what you can, the way you could. You are custom made by God and comparing yourself with someone else is saying to the creator — you didn’t know what you were doing when you made me. I have realized that for me to be able to shine and live up to my potential and uniqueness, self-comparison has to stop.

Life is a process and a journey. Being able to embrace your unique self brings the freedom you need to live your purpose.

A flower does not compare itself to the flower next to it, it just blooms”

5. Confidence

Confidence is the quality or state of being certain and comparing yourself will never make you confident or certain. I once read that Comparison opens the door for sabotaging lies to steal our confidence, courage, and stand in the way of our contentment. It also puts up roadblocks along the path to fulfilling our God-given calling.

We need the confidence to be able to live a life of purpose. I’m discovering that not everyone is going to agree with your calling or opinions. You have to be confident enough in your purpose so that the opinions of others would not cause you to give up. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself because of what you see others have and how they live. All you’ve ever desired will come to you eventually. Keep the faith.

Don’t be distracted by comparison but be captivated with purpose.” Bob Goff

And remember that,

Your story is unique and so so different and not worthy of comparison.” Anonymous

Thanks for reading, sharing, and commenting.

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